(September 23, 2024 Newsletter)
A key skill of effective leadership is to know when and how to de-escalate tension within your team, between your team and their coworkers, or among your peers.
The more people are in your org, the higher the likelihood is that tension exists within your purview. Being on the lookout for what’s bubbling under the surface and at what temperatures allows you to address eruptions before they happen and keep everyone aligned.
Why it matters
As a people leader, your main job is to make sure the work gets done. Conflict distracts.
So part of your role is to guide people through the political landscape around them efficiently. As such, should you approach the situation directly or indirectly? Do you let it play out or offer guidance? Is it better to pick a side or play referee?
If you don’t think these things through, you might miss a key coaching moment with your team and potentially let them cause a mess that will take much more effort to clean up.
What can you do?
Know yourself – As a default, are you conflict averse or tend to jump in early? What impact does your default mode have on those around you? What could change for the dynamics of your coworkers if you evolved your default state?
Observe and gain clarity – Regarding the situation at hand, what have you observed, heard, or read? What assumptions are you making? How can you gain more clarity to fill in the missing pieces with accurate information, not conjecture?
Weigh your options – When evaluating the situation, weigh the tradeoffs of stepping in. In what way is the conflict slowing down the workflow, or what’s the likelihood it will? How can this be a coaching moment for your team in the short- and long-term? Will you do more harm than good if you insert yourself before they ask for help?
Make a plan – Decide what you’re going to do and commit. If you're intervening, reach out to the person with an observation and a question to start the conversation. Indirect intervention? Through whom and how? If you're waiting, have clear criteria for what needs to change for you to re-evaluate.
The “gracefully” part…
I’ve used the phrase “coaching moment” twice so far. What do I mean?
Assume best intent: If you observe the situation through a generous lens, you will find the patience to guide and the openness to learn.
Use compassion: No one in the situation is perfect (not even you!). That lens will keep you humble.
Be curious: Be honest about the assumptions you’re making. Be willing to be wrong and change course accordingly. Ask how you can be helpful and respect the response you get.
Keep the big picture top of mind: What’s the long view? What common goals are you all working toward? In the more tense moments that might arise, your job is to remind everyone what it means to be on the same team.
Without the above guideposts, you might find yourself trying to solve the wrong problem, inserting yourself when you’re not needed, or offering the wrong kind of assistance.
The Coaching Corner
Keep the focus on learning
“That’s ok, we’re all learning.”
“What did you learn this week?”
“What do you want to learn in the next quarter?”
In your interactions with team members, be a champion for learning. Model what you’re learning, ask what they’re learning, and when mistakes are made shift the conversation to what can be learned. With this in mind, growth will come.
Recommendations
I’ve revisited Permission to Speak by Samara Bay a few times in the last few weeks so I’m re-recommending it for anyone who feels uneasy taking center stage and speaking up.
Also, a TED Talk I’ve revisited: Michael Bungay Stanier on “How to Tame Your Advice Monster” for anyone who jumps in too quickly to tell people what to do.
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