(October 28, 2024 Newsletter)
Last week I picked up a basketball for the first time in a long time. I was just arriving at a friend’s house and saw them shooting hoops on the driveway, so my husband and I placed our babies in their car seats on the lawn and with the diaper bag still on my back, I joined in.
The muscle memory kicked in instantly. How my hands should hold the ball, how my knees should bend, where to aim on the backboard.
Later, I found myself reminiscing about a not-very-fun time in my teenage years – being retaught how to shoot a basketball because, apparently, I had gotten into the habit of doing it all wrong. I hated that period of time, but I look back on it and am glad someone insisted.
There is no growth without unlearning.
The success you’ve had in your career until now is thanks to a certain set of assumptions and habits. You’ve communicated, organized your work, and made decisions in certain ways, but in order to reach the next level of impact, something crucial needs to change.
Why it matters
If you think your leadership journey should be linear and smooth, I’m sorry to disappoint. That expectation will make you resistant to necessary change, overly optimistic about how smooth the process will be, and dejected when plans don’t unfold as you wished.
The challenge is that the higher leaders rise on an org chart, the harder it can be to engage in a process of unlearning.
You might feel that you have more at stake because of increased visibility and/or responsibility.
You might believe that your tested methods will inevitably prevail.
You might think that you don’t have time for introspection, with everything that needs to be accomplished.
When leaders double down on how they’ve always done things, they can burn through their trust reserves faster than necessary, putting themselves and their teams or companies at risk of failure.
The key is identifying what needs to be unlearned and then being bold enough to evolve it to something new.
The art of unlearning
Embrace the discomfort – for a brief period of time (it may be minutes or weeks), you might be in a zone of Not Knowing. What do you need to tell yourself to be reassured that this is not only ok, but actually good for you?
Set your goals – unlearning will be most efficient with a target. What do you aim to achieve? What have you tried that’s not working in pursuit of this goal?
Spot the patterns – when interpreting what’s not working, dig under the surface. If you can’t keep up with the increased demands on your time, if you don’t know how to navigate the personalities at this level, if you’re stressed by the complexity or lack of certainty, ask yourself what the real challenge might be for you. Once you think you have an answer, ask yourself the same question again and dig even deeper.
Bring others along – more bad news: you can’t do this alone. You need support, accountability, and guidance from those close and far from the work environment. This is no time for a classic hero’s journey.
Celebrate progress – the point of unlearning is relearning, so as you emerge from the old habits and practice the new ones, find moments to rejoice. Did you let someone handle something you otherwise would have jumped in to do yourself? Did you speak up and share an ox1pinion, even if you’re not 100% certain? High fives all around.
Final thought: The process may be messy, but the rewards will be great. There will be setbacks, so treat yourself with the kindness you would extend if your best friend was going through this experience.
And of course, if I can be a resource to you as you realign to new expectations, be in touch.
The Coaching Corner
Everything has an end
Nothing lasts forever, so what does this look like when bringing a coaching approach to your people leadership?
Know what you’re working toward. In every case, ask yourself and your team to define the end goal, ideal outcome , and/or the purpose.
When things end abruptly, zoom out to the bigger picture. When someone quits or when a funder or investor indicates that no more checks are coming, talk through with yourself and your team what you’ll want to be proud of when looking back on this moment in 5 years.
End on a good note. Even if you’re upset about how something is wrapping up, highlight the positive in the situation. As the leader, if you don’t, others won’t either.
Recommendations
“We’re Still Lonely at Work” – the cover article of this edition of HBR challenges some key assumptions about who is lonely at work, why, and what you can do about it. The authors created an assessment tool, the Work Loneliness Scale, and I’d be interested to hear about your team’s results.
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